40

I've been running around in a state of denial about my pending (looming?) 40th birthday and it doesn't really make much sense when I think about it. I can't reasonably expect that God is going to allow me to stop the clock and remain "39 forever" or some such nonsense. Besides, I think immortality (or delayed maturity) is nothing more than a recipe for loneliness and despair as the world would pass me by and I would feel out of place and that's never a fun thing to consider. As I see it, God has gifted me with the perfect life and I am appreciative to Him for even allowing that small gift to cherish. "Perfect, how can any life be perfect?", you might ask. I will tell you why I think my life is perfect:

I have a wife who, despite my many flaws, still loves me and cares for me even on my worst days. It has been her support and strength that has guided me on a far less destructive path than the one I was on before I met her. She is my world and I owe her nothing less than my heart.

I have two lovely children who I know offer unconditional love to me and aren't quite too old to not let me hug and kiss them and share silly stories and secrets while spending time together. Watching them grow into intelligent, grace-filled beings is one of the most joyous things I will ever experience.

Despite a pancreas and thyroid that are mad at me, I am healthy, clear minded, and strong enough to play and work and do things that I enjoy. I really should do more with that...

I am surrounded by friends and family who love me and don't consider some of my crackpot ideas and occasional mood swings as deal breakers. It took a long time for me to find most of these friends and I slowly came to accept these people aren't nice to me simply because of some ulterior motive. I missed a lot of opportunities for lifelong friendship in my younger days due to my ego and arrogance; it's a good thing I started growing up not too long ago so I can appreciate those that are around me.

I have a satisfying professional life that gives me the opportunity to explore many different challenges. Although I am a little obsessive about work and the hours I spend working, I love the fact that I wear many different hats in the workplace as I never seem to be bored when I'm there.

I have seen the relief on a parent's face when I have been able to resuscitate a drowning child as well as felt the savage heartache when I haven't been able to save a child whose injuries could not be cured. I have lived through emotional highs and lows that only those that work in EMS and medicine can understand and feel strengthened in the fact that God has allowed me to seek His comfort in those times that I felt overwhelmed. I am fulfilled by the challenges of computer systems and the intellectual stimulation of learning something new every day.

That's really only a very short list of the things that define the perfection I see in my life. It's probably an arrogant or naive statement to call my life "perfect", but it's the only one I have on earth and I am pledged to make it the best one I can. Maybe in 40 more years I will be able to still judge this life as perfect. Stay tuned!

Psalm 40
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods. [a]

5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced [b] , [c] ;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.

7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll. [d]

8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."

9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.

10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.

12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.

15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
be appalled at their own shame.

16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
"The LORD be exalted!"

17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.